Domestic abuse

Emotional abuse includes a perpetrator uses words and non-physical actions to hurt, upset, scare or manipulate you. 

Examples of verbal and emotional abuse include:

• Screaming and shouting  
• Degrading you by calling you hurtful names or mocking you 
• Threatening to destroy something, hurt you or commit suicide 
• Apologising and saying that it isn’t abuse 
• Saying that you cause or deserve the abuse
• Threatening to kill or harm you and/or your children
• Making you feel like your views don't matter
• Making you feel stupid and saying mean things about your appearance
• Making you doubt yourself, which is known as gaslighting. This is when a perpetrator tries to convince you that you’re remembering things incorrectly or misinterpreting things.

Financial and economic abuse includes a pattern of control or threatening behaviour related to money and finances. A preparator will control another person’s finances to control their freedom. 

Some examples of this include: 

• Hiding your purse or wallet
• Not letting you access your bank account
• Taking control of your money or spending it without your permission
• Controlling the household income and keeping financial information a secret
• Taking out credit cards or debts in your name, sometimes without you knowing 
• Stopping you from being in work, education or training
• Not helping with the bills and forcing you to do a certain amount of hours at work 
• Control your spending, checking receipts or having everything in their name.

Coercive control is an act or pattern of behaviours which can include one or several types of abuse. These are used to punish, harm or frighten people experiencing domestic abuse. 

Some examples of coercive control include: 

• Being isolated from friends and family
• Putting you down and saying you are worthless 
• Being deprived of your basic needs, such as food or care
• Someone restricting you from accessing medical services, support groups or other support services.

Harassment and stalking is a common form of domestic abuse and includes repeated or obsessive behaviour that cause distress to the victim.

This can include:

• Frequently calling someone’s workplace or home
• Following someone
• Sending unwanted or hurtful gifts (e.g. funeral wreaths or sending flowers to mark the anniversary of an attack)
• Constantly driving past someone’s home
• Contacting others to try to get information on the victim.

Sexual abuse can be a part of domestic abuse. This includes if you're engaging in certain acts, because you feel afraid or you've been pressured into it.

This can consist of:

• Rape or taking away your birth control
• Being forced to perform sexual acts you didn't agree to
• Making you have sex with other people or become a sex worker
• Calling you names, punching, biting or spitting on you during sex
• Having sex with you when you can't give consent - for example if you're under the influence of alcohol affecting you're ability to give consent
• Making you have sex or watch inappropriate content in front of children. 

Online or tech abuse is when technology is used a as a tool for abuse. Perpetrators may use smart devices to monitor or control you. 

Examples of tech abuse include:  

• Monitoring your social media.  
• Ignoring your right to privacy and having access to your phone, emails or social media accounts.
• Getting access to your online banking account.
• Stopping you from accessing technology (e.g. stopping you from having a phone or accessing the internet).
• Sharing private photos of you online. The Revenge Porn Helpline can help you if you’ve experienced this form of abuse.
• Using cameras or spyware to monitor you / listen to conversations or using smart home devices to harass you.
• Using GPS software or apps on your phone to find you.
• Excessive contact via text, calls, email and/or social media.

‘Honour’ is important to social standing in some communities. If perceived dishonour or shame affects a family, there can be severe consequences. 

Actions that could be considered as ‘dishonourable’ or ‘shameful’ include:

• Being in a relationship with someone your family doesn’t approve of or someone outside your community
• Getting a divorce or separating
• Having sex or getting pregnant before marriage
• Doing things that might be considered as inappropriate (e.g. dressing in a different way, talking to certain people and challenging what is expected of you)
• Taking drugs or drinking alcohol
• Disagreeing with the religion of your family or community.

Honour-based abuse is when someone commits a crime to protect or defend the ‘honour’ of a family or community. This includes:

• All types of domestic abuse or sexual violence
• Forced marriage or abortion
• Being pressured to move or visit friends and family abroad
• Removing someone’s freedom, including restricting access to your phone, the internet or your passport
• Isolating you from your friends and family members.

The Halo Project supports people who’ve experienced honour-based abuse or violence.

Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a procedure that involves a woman or girl having her external genitalia partially or fully removed, damaged or changed for non-medical reasons. 

It’s very painful and can cause constant pain, problems with sex, childbirth and mental health issues. It’s often not completed by a professional so it can also be life-threatening. 

It’s illegal to perform or help with performing FGM in the UK, or to take someone abroad for the procedure. It’s also illegal to pressure a women or girl to carry FGM out on herself or fail to protect a person from risk of FGM. 

The Halo Project offers support and advice about female genital mutilation.